A Shark’s Tale

Growing up in a fight, only to lose everything, all to the higher

Seeing others get all they desire, separating me to expire

Not giving in for I am fighter

Basic stories all the same, seeing all the pain

Immersing yourself in other’s hell

You think it’s so easy, you cast this spell

Always making yourself better, so-called smarter

Always nibbling, never taking the bite, you throw out more chum, you chump, more games of sharks you hide

Always in deep, you find me, but always victorious in death is to be

Drowning in a abyss you will see

Ready to take your ass, how ever old, we are bonded to a sea

Come call, come be free

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All Around

Imagine for a second, that you have felt so much pain. That everything was crumbling right in your hands. The reality is real. You’re hung up on a noose in front of everybody, the world on your shoulders. The only thing you have to rely on is your story. How you really are.

Your purpose is dangling in front of you, only you can’t have it. You aren’t the sharpest tool in the shed, yet you are sharp enough naturally. Everyone hates you for it. Even the closest people around.

Losing It

I don’t know why, but I’m getting horribly forgetful. Say for instance I had a pair of $200 sunglasses hung on my shirt. I’ll forget that I put them there. I lost them between the theatre and my house. Dude I’m serious, I’m losing it. I think it’s important cause it’s a major disability. I used to be sharp. Could remember everything.

I don’t t know if it’s cancer or my head injuries I’ve suffered through the years. But it’s really frustrating. Thought I’d be honest. Hopefully it’s just my a.d.h.d. or my dyslexia. I got issues yo.

Any Who?

Moving forward. For the few months I’m free, away from work, I would like to share a few inspirational moments I had while I was trying to balance my work life. I have shared things that get negative sometimes. If need be, I will get right to the point or explain my arguments. Like I wrote, I don’t want to be ugly.

I think their is an art to life, don’t get me wrong, work is inspirational too. Eventually, I get burned out. It’s how I am. I’ve known myself for 34 years. I guess I’ve earned and developed a sixth sense. I like to do new stuff and just ‘bs’ it’s easier than working your ass off. Just being real.

Any Who? Now This

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My “Fuck Harambe Zen Meme”. Read Harambe 

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Hashtag This. What is this?

My Tweets

My random tweets. I don’t think they are anything like Donald Trump’s tweets. Hell I could be wrong. Maybe I need to stop. I hardly get retweeted or liked anyways. Maybe no one likes me. Regardless of what you might heard, they are full of shit. (You know what I’m talking about). I know I was wrong for some things I’ve done, but I shouldn’t have to keep paying for my mistakes.

The Ones I’m Proud Of Despite Fassbender

“Assassin’s Creed should have never been made.”

Michael Fassbender is quoted saying, “Assassin’s Creed should have never have been made”. Well here’s my reply:

The Snowman movie sank at the box office. I didn’t have to see it to know it wasn’t good. (Take that one with the tomatoes)

Am Still Writing

Reviews, writing, a form of activism are several different methods of sharing/self marketing. It is my art. Words are a form of art and work.

Here’s an original meme. “Don’t mean to bust your bubble”. It’s work.

Caught In The Mix

If you have ever been in situations where things went a bit “haywire” but seemed normal, you might be guilty of this. This is an invisible line.

The actions seen by some are inexcusable, and impulsive on your part. While it might seem just a little innocent, it is not.

Now, when things get numb, allow me to elaborate. When sexual harassment happens to you, you can do one of two things. (Actually a number of things)

1. Turn a cheek and realize years later.

2. Be completely disgusted.

3. Freeze up.

4. Act on it. (These are just a few)

Why not give consent or non-consent in that moment? I’ve asked for it, been told to or been given a sign. How can you take that sign? Or take it the wrong way? Being caught in the mix.

Now, I’ve never wanted anything from a girl or guy, but relations. Being a friend first. Having a relationship is what we long for. No different.

Don’t put yourself in the situation, is a form of non-consent. Putting on clothes to make yourself sexy, puts up the invisible line for a male and a female. Plain and simple.

Their is a point at which you do not understand the invisible line, took a sign the wrong way or you forced something. Communication is dire. On both parts. Your invisible line needs to be clear and visible. Am I wrong?

Now you understand. Don’t be “wishy washy”. (Just look at the numbers of divorce in this country). This happens as well. Just by a simple kiss, or circumstance.

If you have a sexual deviancy, get help and make a choice early, don’t be forced to get the help. Understand it and move on.

I’m trying to help people understand. We are all human and make mistakes. I’ve never needed shit from a woman or man when it comes down to it. When it comes to my freedom, I could live without sex. I’m pretty simple. Food and water. (Maybe money). I’m not in your category. I’m not your idea. Do not force your invisible line. It’s unrealistic. That means you have motives. Your intentions on both sides were shot and you take a sexual advantage. Both are wrong I’m sorry. Don’t get caught in the mix.

May you ever have grace at your side or may the force be with you. May the odds be ever in your favor and so on and so on..

Don’t Want To Be Ugly

Allow me to be honest with you. Upon my opening of a ticket I received in the mail, I felt the urge to vent. I was writing a draft of ” Reviewing Old Movies”, and I’m trying to remain positive. I don’t want to be burdened with these everyday things that keep me broke. Plain and simple

The ticket is a “Failure to pay tolls”. Please feel free to leave a comment and enlighten me on how is it, that I was working for a company that builds schools and hospitals, charges me to drive on the highways.

My argument is this. Charging me to drive on a road to make the little money that I make, for a job I have to do. Realistically, I have to take that highway. Could I have Gonna around? Yes. But realistically, everyday, (and be on time) no. I was already cutting every corner I could legally.

It doesn’t make any sense, that I would be stealing, or creating any crime. To be honest, I want to write about something cool or a fantastic story to share with you. Instead I have to write this (key words of the day: Have to). My second question is: Where is the money to pay for this? I don’t want to be ugly. I really don’t. I want to be joyful and positive but it’s been so hard lately. Another sucky year. Their is somebody out there to get me and I really don’t know why. That’s called harassment, and it exists. Makes me want to do drugs (but I can’t. kEy words: I can’t). Makes me not want to even leave the house.

Day In The Life: Electrician

Electrician

For the past two and a half years, I had the privilege of working as an electrician for Cummings Electrical. Most of that time was donated to the company. I worked at 5 different job sites. Pre-Fab, Chef BOBO, Cooks Children’s in Ft. Worth, Dallas remodel (Westend Market Place) and UTD.

The reason I was laid off was for a “reduction in workforce”. In the time I was employed, I took a blue print reading class, and two auto cad classes; to which I took a summer course to reduce the time down to a year and 1/2 of school. With that, I received a pluther of on the job training.

Tasks

I learned pre-fabrication, distribution, wire pull, termination, alternate currents, low/high voltage (electrical systems/voltage drop 80% of power), pier chart, designing/engineering, maintenance, some trouble shooting, remodeling, fix/repair, safety, excavation, material maintenance (a lot that went waisted) ATS/UPS (Power Plan), conduit fill, conductors, man hole, Degrees, XY coordinates, photo cell, travelers, switch leg, three way switch, square measurements, some carpentry/some framing, land surveying (elevation), wall penetrating, QAQC, flagging (traffic control) lift training, anchoring/drilling (w/hepa filter), using compactor, backfilling, more preventative maintenance (pencil whipping), safety protocol, mop (method of procedure), life safety/fluorescent testing. fall protection/arrest ( i.e ‘d’ ring, lolipop, beam clamp 2000, harness) circuts/panel scheduling, pipe labeling, p-touch, trimout, wall rough/overhead installation (lighting & pipe), temporary power, KVA Transformer, generator, pvc/rigid, sealtite, flex, cable tray (including install), disconnects, watt stoppers, vfd, smoke dampers, vav, fire alarm, relays, lighting controls, MI cable, mc cable, flex, table bender and triple nichol bender, gutters, boxes, inbeds/inserts, layout (blue print reading) and many different methods/tools for doing the job. Did I leave anything out?

Next

Most of the time were dangerous situations, heights, and tight spaces. Cave-ins weren’t too bad, but just a little dirt can produce a lot of pressure. I popped out a vertebrae, twisted my foot pretty bad, but their weren’t too many close calls (thanks safety). Doesnt mean they weren’t around the corner.

It’s a prideful job with a lot of risks. I’m proud to have worked and I will do it again. I would like to move on to other things and learn more, or school. So let’s bring it on. HArd WORK buddy. I’m glad to have met some of the guys that worked there and other trades. Some not so much. Most of the guys were good dudes.

That’s where 2 and 1/2 years without writing goes. And in this time I remained clean and sober.

Now I Know

When I was younger, I felt differently about things now. I’ve seen things I used to do, that I didn’t understand at the time. Which grows with maturity. I see it as light as day now: working, staying busy and not being lazy. We can try, but will spin our wheels eventually. Just saying.

Having Kids

Now, before having kids, I was careless. I had a good heart, I was just blinded you could say. I had depression, frustrations, and several head injuries already.

Having kids made me have more understanding. Not all the way. Their was still more to learn. Still is more to learn.

Not Everything Is Black And White

This is the grey. Grateful Dead saw it. Many others have wrote songs or books, to prove their point. My sexuality, career, are examples.

Not everyone or anything is perfect. It’s the struggle. It’s work. It’s a timeless thing that every single human has to endure on this planet.

Now I Know

This is one thing I will agree on. That I’ve been forced to learn. My mistakes haven’t been as bad as others (I watch the news and if I need to make a list of way worst mistakes others have made, I will).

Now I see it through other people. I look at the younger generation and know what it’s like to think how they think (they are lazy). I definitely don’t want to be mean to get them off their ass, I would rather lead by example.

I’m not perfect. One song I’ve listened to is Run by The Foo Fighters. It’s very comical video is awesome. Before I was very depressed at my mistakes. I’m still having to deal with them. I’m really trying this time. I want what others want: a peaceful life.

I know that I’m growing older and still learning. That what my mom was telling me when I was younger, was true. It saddens me but my brother has received a a 25 year sentence (as much as a murderer mind you). He will do 12 years, for drugs and evading arrest, the rest on parole. I tried to warn him. Maybe now we know. Knowing is half the war in seeing through a tiny hole of someone else’s war. Or knowing is half the battle. A shit hole. A sorry ass shit hole.

Me Third

What I have learned throughout my 34 years of living, I began taking notes long ago. Here recently, it’s been sexual harassment in the news. You notice it in waves through media, painting it red in articles, magazines, tv and across the board entirely.

I too, have had my share of it, both from women and men. More of men in the workplace. Throughout school, it was girls being racy. They were fun with it, as it could’ve been border line sexual harassment, even from a female. School was really one big sex fest and popularity contest.

I began to get numb throughout the years. Growing older, it developed into the norm, expecting a fun situation. I almost think flirting now a days is sexual harassment. I can never tell sometimes. All the fun gets taken out of it.

POINT

I see it as an ultimate power trip in the workplace. I have been caught in an entertainment atmosphere, seeing first hand a “popularity contest” just like when I was in school. At some point you have to grow up. It’s been difficult for me to mature. Afraid of growing old and boring. It has to be done.

Having been put in the situation I have experienced it at home and in the workplace. This does create a poverty cycle. Only providing an act of “what you can do for them” to get the job. To that I say fuck that. It’s despicable.